Sometimes I wish you would just know when I'm feeling lonely and terrible and would call me because I hate the need that calling you would project. Whether or not it's what I'm feeling. I don't want to interrupt what you're doing. I don't like needing. And I don't like knowing that you're pretty much all that makes me happy these days. That's not fair to you, and it paints a sorry picture about my life. Dependency is bad.

Songbook

"But I'm not sure there are words to describe what happens when two voices mesh (and isn't the power and beauty and sheer perfection of a simple chord a bit, you know, Outer Limits?) All I can say is that I can hear things that aren't there, see and feel things I can't normally see and feel, and start to realize that, yes, there is such a thing as an immortal soul, or, at the very least, a unifying human consciousness, that our lives are short but have meaning."

Back in PVD

On a visit. Feels great but weird all at the same time. Dunno. Good morning! It's cold.

Tori Amos - Crucify

every finger in the room

is pointing at me

i wanna spit in their faces

then i get afraid what that could bring

i got a bowling ball in my stomach

i got a desert in my mouth

figures that my courage

would choose to sell out now

i've been looking for a savior

in these dirty streets

looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets

i've been raising up my hands

drive another nail in

just what god needs

one more victim

why do we crucify ourselves

every day i crucify myself

nothing i do is good enough for you

crucify myself

every day

and my heart is sick of being

in chains

Life Lesson

Being in pain/hungry does not give you the right to lash out at me. All it will do is make me angry and frustrated and less willing to help you. Complaining that "it's painful" will not make me forgive you for saying that I need to have more presence of mind and that I never think and that you're going to send me away so I can learn to think for myself.

Why do I have such a huge fear of emailing professors and inquiring about research positions? I hate putting myself out there.

From PostSecret

Ha.

I haven't updated this in a really long time. I will for real at some point. Right now, I need a job. One in Providence, preferably, for multiple reasons. Social happiness being the main one. Anyway. Nobody reads this but it'll be fun to keep up for that day 6 years from now when I find this and reread all the entries.

GAHH

People who shouldn't have existed. Or at least never made up reactions:

• Knoevenagel
• Claisen
• Aldol
• Michael
• Robinson
• Reformatsky
• Hofmann

These stupid things are kicking my ass. How am I supposed to take this exam in 2 hours when it took me 4 hours to take the practice one??